Struggling

I haven’t been exercising at all lately (How off brand! Twirls hair around finger, stomps foot, walks off) and it’s affecting me. I’m quick to lose my temper, all the time, and bubbling with thwarted desires. My mental paralysis is swallowing my home and work life, and yet I’m finding it so hard to get up off my chair, go downstairs at home or go to my gym at work (in my workplace!) and lift those weights or run on the treadmill. Last year, I could get up every morning at 4:30am and go for a run. Now, I only get as close as picturing myself running (is that a start?). 

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Exercise isn’t hard really. All I have to do is make the choice and do it. I can’t really explain why I don’t. I am stuck in many aspects of my life and wonder if this is some weird physical manifestation of that psychological status. It might be. It doesn’t make a difference in the end because I am standing still, not exercising, letting my emotions control me. 

This is where I am right now. Someone once told me to be kind of myself when I was at a low point and this is a semi-philosophy that I have embraced fully. For now, this is where I am – not exercising, focused on writing, and undergoing a lot of self reflection, examining past decisions and the regrets they have led me to. 

The internet appears to be a place where I’m supposed to talk about how everything is great and positive and that I have learned lessons and I’m becoming a better person. I have no idea if any of that is happening right now but I do know that I am stuck. I will not be stuck forever so I will not beat myself up about it or badger myself. Feel this moment and then see what happens. 

To all those who might be stuck out there, that’s okay. Just don’t stay too long (at least that’s what I keep telling myself). To others, let me know what action, plan, thought, motivation, whatever, unstuck you. When Words Collide 2019 is coming up so maybe I will pull myself out of this quagmire at that wondrous celebration of all things writing and reading.

 

Fonda Lee – Kaul Shaelinsan

With Jade War out, it’s long past time I mention Fonda Lee’s Jade City, where Ms. Lee has imagined a new world, a contemporary alternate history with a rich history that intimately informs its present. Cleverly woven in, I can see Lee writing books chronicling the history at which she’s hinted. 

Into this world returns Shae, the youngest of the Kaul clan, even though she had tried to step out of it. 

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Her family is a crime family which doesn’t just have its fingers spread throughout Kekon, they rule Kekon and the city Janloon through their use and control of jade. Jade gives users enhanced abilities, but only if that person has trained to use it. 

Shae, who trained to use jade but chose not to use it, leaves to remove herself from clan business and ensure that she makes it on her own rather than in a world where everyone would assist her to curry favour with her family. To test one’s mettle, to be successful on our own merit drives us forward and it has driven Shae to make herself the most vulnerable by going to a foreign country where no one knows her or cares about her country and learning how to be successful. She returns educated, poised and ready to navigate her family and her country on her own. 

But she returns to the Island that shaped her family and herself and a favour to her brother Lan pulls her back into clan business.

Shae’s quiet workings, a relatively minor character who wants to be minor, reveal a critical weakness that may undermine the whole family. Yet, despite her not wanting to be involved with her family’s business, she makes decisions to protect her family, inserting herself into the business out of a sense of honour and duty. By doing so, her life will be ruled once more by her family. It’s a difficult choice to make but she does so to protect her family.

Her loyalty to her family mean that she has to make difficult choices that pull her into her family’s ways and business. However, there is no doubt or hesitation on her part. She makes the requests of the people around her that have to be made to look after the family’s interests. 

We don’t get to see all the results of Shae’s actions but Jade City laid a lot of promises for Jade War. 

 

Desert’s Daughter is Done!

The first draft is done! 190000 words! 

I finished Desert’s Daughter and I plotted my way through it. Even though I plotted it, my manuscript still managed to surprise me, so that’s delightful!

Editing will come but definitely later…for now, onto another edit of Burnt or maybe writing short stories.  

Time of Day

My favourite time of the day to exercise is early morning. I am more successful at exercising in the morning in the summertime since it is light. We have porcupines and coyotes in our neighbourhoods and parks so walking or running in the morning in the winter is a bit more hazardous. The quiet air lets me hear the birds chirping and the leaves whispering in the wind.

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However,  when I’m working it’s not always feasible for me to take a long walk in the morning so the other time I like to exercise is when I can’t do anything else. I build it into my day so I can’t avoid exercising. For example, if I cycle to work, the only way I can get home is to cycle home. Or if I eat my lunch at my desk, the only lunch break I will get is if I go to the gym.

Both of these strategies help me to stick to my exercise routine, making it something I just do, like getting dressed, rather than something I have to choose to do. The less I have to choose to do, the more likely I am to do something.

What strategies have you found to keep to a new routine?

 

Fire: Demons, Dragons and Djinns – Rhonda Parrish

Fire: Demons, Dragons and Djinns edited by Rhonda Parrish celebrates fire, its capacity to destroy, to liberate, to heal and to provide heat.

Collateral damage, when the results of a decision to help someone cause damage to others or the ones we want to help. We see collateral damage all the time, from politicians to charities to families.

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In The Djinni and the Accountant by Hal J. Friesen, Charlotte finds out that she is a victim of collateral damage. Because of that damage, she has had to work harder and alone to get an accounting eduction and job.

The one who caused the damage offers to fix the damage. Who wouldn’t want to take the hurt that we’ve experienced in the past and wish it away? We’re always told that the hurts we’ve experienced make us stronger, make us the people that we are today.

Maybe. But having experienced that hurt ourselves, we are more empathetic when others experience it, as Charlotte is when she reviews the collateral damage the djinni’s wishes have caused. Being empathetic increases with age (insert link) as we experience more.

Charlotte takes that hurt and turns it to something good when she makes her choice. Not all of us can do that so if you see someone else doing so, see it and commend them.

 

Motivation

Mental health is one of the main motivators for me to work out. I can tell when I haven’t worked out in a while. I start to get frustrated and then angry with every little thing such as dropping a fork. If I let it continue, I will see every decision I’ve made in a negative light and convince myself that my life is horrible when it is actually great.

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On the other hand, if I work out, little things like spilled liquids are not a big deal and I can take a breath and let it go. I’m not as hard on myself for perceived failures and actually congratulate myself for my achievements.

I also work out to cut my chances of getting cancer or heart disease. My family history is littered with cancer, including colon and brain cancer so I’ve seen cancer’s progress. Those images are indelibly imprinted on my brain. If I can reduce my chances of developing cancer, then I will do so. My family history is also full of heart disease and I don’t relish surgery.

Now, I have another motivator for working out – my child. I have to set the example for everything from keeping a house clean (the poor kid has no chance) to a healthy lifestyle. If I can instill in my kid now the importance of physical activity, I can reduce my kid’s chances of developing diabetes, heart disease, cancer and many other illnesses.

What is your motivator?

 

A Guest Post by Barbara Tomporowski – Always Raederle

Please welcome Barbara Tomporowski to this little blog space who is dedicated to the written word, to social justice and to make the world around her a better place. She can be found at When Words Collide and The Cathedral Village Arts Festival. 

It was always Raederle.

My gaze fell across my bookcase. It stands proudly, blocking the entrance to my room, unbowed by the volumes stuffed every-which-way until its doors barely close.

Who isn’t happy when they’re reading a great book!

Since it was almost midnight, I side-stepped the bookcase and entered my room. And there, on the hardwood floor beside my bed, lay a special edition of the Riddle-Master trilogy by Patricia McKillip. For those who haven’t had the pleasure, the first book was published in 1976.

Raederle, a princess from the country of An, was fated at birth to marry the man who won a wraith’s crown in a riddle-game. She is seldom mentioned in the first book, although the memory of her windblown hair and laughter drives the prince to leave his turnips and claim her hand. It is in the second book, Heir of Sea and Fire, where Raederle comes into her own. Unwilling to let the lords of An argue over who should marry her, she leaves her father’s halls to visit her distant cousin, a pig-herder. The lords find her there, with her feet bare and her hair unbound. This lack of concern for appearance serves her well in the second and third volumes as she tromps throughout the realm, borrowing ships, bartering with wraiths, and seeking the missing Prince of Hed, a prince from an island so poor its main exports are beer and plow horses. His only desire is to read and brew ale, until three star-shaped birthmarks draw him into a mystery where riddles are more deadly than steel.

What she finds within herself, however, is more important.
In Heir of Sea and Fire, Raederle must come to understand her shape-shifting, elemental power. When she finally embraces it, she quells a band of undead kings:

She stripped light from the shields, from the armbands and jewelled crowns, from the flagstones, blazed a circle on the stones around [him]. She looked for a single source of fire in the room, but there was not even a candle lit. So she contented herself with drawing it out of her memory…The fury gave her dark insight into odd powers. It whispered to her how to crack a solid flag-stone in two, how to turn the thin, black rift into a yawning illusion of emptiness… (pp. 342-343.)


One of the things that draws me to Raederle is how she finds her own power. Turning her back on comfort and propriety, she learns to master herself, which frees her to experience the wonder of the lovely, pitiless land. For example, she initially refuses to fly in crow-shape, the traditional animal form of the Kings of An, until exhaustion compels her. Then she flies for weeks with the Prince of Hed, trying not to think about whatever they might be eating. The chapter ends with these beautiful lines:

Raederle whispered, “Your eyes are full of wings.”
“Your eyes are full of the sun.” (p. 426).

The male characters are excellent too. Bri, the beleaguered shipmaster. Har, implacable king of wolves. The Prince of Hed himself, who values books over crowns. Yet it is the women who inspired me. The far-seeing Morgol. Spear-wielding Lyra, who says, “I don’t take vows. I make decisions” (p. 442.) But in the end, it was always Raederle, who shaped my love of elemental things. The purple prairie crocus, the scent of straw and lilac, shadowy creatures gnawing in the garden.

The Riddlemaster seems innocent compared to contemporary fantasies. Its kisses are chaste, its violence circumscribed. Yet the prose hums, the characters fresh and authentic. I aspire to write so well.

To the west, a snowstorm batters Calgary. The wind will soon howl across the ranch lands and buffet the prairies. In Saskatoon, as I type these lines, the wind is already rising. I hope I’ll make it home tomorrow. In the meantime, I’ll curl up and reread Heir of Sea and Fire.

Bio: Barbara Tomporowski writes, dances, and photographs. She also sings badly, inflicting her garbled tunes on her closest friends and family. She aims to present the beauty and majesty of the Canadian landscape through the written word.